DOBOS' CYCLE (2021)

A story about grief.
Narration by Shaun Ferguson

Script

My supervisor accosted me for showing up today. But if I don't, my electric bill remains unpaid. I won’t play truant because of something falling from the sky. Pigeons crash against the glass panes every day, I don’t ask for time off for that.

Ever since I was a teenager, I thought my wallowing had meaning. And now? I can't go back and tell myself I was wrong. I thought I was being defiant. I hated him but I wallowed for him and now he is dead, He died to spite me because he hated my ignorance.

I created meaning when I was ignorant to his existence. I would work then come back to my sister Judith’s hotel and look after Samuel and his Rotten Bear. I’m not close to Samuel, he told Judith that I made fun of her bust of Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, she moves it when I visit. Samuel blames himself for the descent, he ripped his bear and his bear told him that “God made us all so fragile”.

I defined myself on my hatred for him. I went to the pit to point and laugh and never truly came back. I hated his abstractness. I hate how people derived comfort from him because I lacked that comfort. And now, I remain comfort-less.

Suppose I should be relieved. We didn’t have to breach heaven through force. God is dead and I am not. Dead on Earth forever. I won’t end my life just yet; I want to see who gets to give him his last rites. But after that maybe, I can no longer be punished for it